ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
