Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
