1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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