You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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