You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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