its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
