We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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