I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
this boner is exhausting
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
