woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
