3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
