Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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