Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
