Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
did i walk over a car last night?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
