don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So vagazzling was a success
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
