My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
