she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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