I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
