Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
