she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
