He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
