Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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