There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
