also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
