Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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