You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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