You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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