My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Boobs are out for the taking
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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