Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
