Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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