ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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