some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
