tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
