He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she told me i tasted like america
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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