dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
