It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
