you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
