it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
