Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
