the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
