People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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