put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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