Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
