it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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