did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
