You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
