I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
