I'm drive I can fine osifer
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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