That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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