I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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