I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
