If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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