How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
