Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it penis luge time yet?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
