I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
