Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
