I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
