he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
