i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
