We need to start having sex underwater more often.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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