I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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