my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
