so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I could make wine with my vomit
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
