I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
