I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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