how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
