she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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