Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
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