VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
