I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
