we have pet lesbian snakes
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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