Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
