what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
