Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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