I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
