A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
